Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer Question and Answers - Read on..
Question and answer jokes Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a stick between the rope and his neck! ..

Cross Examination - Read on..
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my ..

Do you know me - Read on..
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her ..

Slanderous Accusations - Read on..
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving personal slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly a ..

Hurry up please - Read on..
A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The lawyer had brist ..

Going to heaven - Read on..
One stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with ..

Good practise - Read on..
A lawyer was standing in a long line to get tickets for a theatre play. Suddenly, he felt the hands of the man behind him, kneading int ..

Compensation Culture - Read on..
Down South, Bubba called his lawyer and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?
..

Doctor in the court - Read on..
A lawyer is cross-examining a doctor on the stand about whether or not he had checked the pulse of a fellow deceased lawyer before he s ..

I hate lawyers - Read on..
There was once a man who was as kind as could be, except he absolutely hated lawyers. Whenever he would see a lawyer on the side of a r ..

Give to charity - Read on..
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over a million dollar ..

Naked Woman - Read on..
Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, whic ..

Psychiatric Treatment - Read on..
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they w ..

Choose a room - Read on..
A lawyer died and was delivered to the devil's hands. "You will be spending eternity here, but I'll let you pick your own room from thr ..

New Beamer - Read on..
A lawyer was driving his shiny new BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW!" Focusing on his car, not h ..

A Doctor and A Lawyer - Read on..
A doctor and a lawyer were at a wealthy persons cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handl ..

Tombstone Writing - Read on..
A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping around for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscrip ..

Bury A Lawyer - Read on..
A reknown Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked ..

Bronze Sculpture - Read on..
A tourist wanders into a back alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers ..

Ounces of Brain - Read on..
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerr ..

Excess Billing - Read on..
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But ..

Hunting Lawyers - Read on..
Washington state attorney season and bag limits 1300.01 GENERAL 1. Any person with a valid Washington St ..

Real Bargain - Read on..
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donat ..

Consultation Fees - Read on..
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and ..

Will Not Go To Jail - Read on..
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail. Bu ..

Stupid Questions - Read on..
The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records. Now doctor, isn&# ..

How Lawyers Do It - Read on..
Lawyers do it with appeal.Lawyers do it confidentially.Lawyers do it on a trial basis.Lawyers do it until justice prevails.Lawyers do i ..

Brain Store - Read on..
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerr ..

Lawyer, police man, doctor - Read on..
3 dudes die a lawyer, police man, and a doctorat the pearly gates the police man walks up 2 saint peter and says "I have put crimi ..

Can not take it with you - Read on..
Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact. When one ..

Lawyer Birthday Gift - Read on..
What do you get a lawyer for his birthday? Briefs!! ha!ha! ..

So cold - Read on..
It was so cold last week I saw a Lawyer with his hands in his own pockets ! ..

Lawyer Sky Diving - Read on..
What do you call a sky-diving club for lawyers?Skeet. ..

Attack Dog - Read on..
A man wanted a big, verocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to ..

Catfish vs. Lawyer - Read on..
Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?A: Ones a gross dirty slimy scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and ones a fish... ..

Cement - Read on..
Q: What do u have when their is a lawyer up to his neck in cement?A: not enough cement ..

The Godfather - Read on..
The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walked into a room to meet with his accountant.The Godfather asked the accountant, "Wh ..

Lawyer Statue - Read on..
One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing.He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. ..

Two lawyers walking through the woods - Read on..
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a p ..

Have a Drink - Read on..
Middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road.They collide and a f ..

Lawyer Means... - Read on..
What's the definition of lawyer? The larval form of a politician. ..

half of everything - Read on..
Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse. They find a genie bottle. They decide to rub it.A genie pops out. He says, "I wi ..

a thief and his lawyer - Read on..
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to ..

Lawyer vs Physician - Read on..
A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence.They referred it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows:&quo ..

Billys father is a lawyer - Read on..
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What doe ..

Dead lawyer grave - Read on..
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to th ..

dying woman needs brain - Read on..
A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain. The doctor th ..

5000 dead lawyers - Read on..
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?A good start! ..

Lawyers and sperm - Read on..
What do a lawyer and sperm have in common?They both have a one in a million chance of being human. ..

Old dying lawyer - Read on..
A stingy old lawyer was on his deathbed. He instructed his wife to fill two large pillowcases with money thinking he could pick them up ..

Lawyer in a car wreck - Read on..
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden a ..

My dad is a Lawyer - Read on..
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's your ..

A man and his Alligator - Read on..
A man and his alligator walk into a bar and the man asks, "Does this bar serve lawyers?""Of course we do," replied ..