Adult Jokes

Peeking - Read on..
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he ..

Daughters Puzzled - Read on..
A little girl walks into her parents bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness. Immediately, she is curious: h ..

Military Training - Read on..
A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Shemya, Alaska. The first night he got home, he exclaimed to ..

Sheik Twister - Read on..
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. The ..

One Bad Stutter - Read on..
A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop stuttering, but he can't. Eventually, he goes to a world reno ..

Mean Blow Job - Read on..
Barbara recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, Barbara started ..

Dont come quickly - Read on..
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting his marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to a s ..

Supermarket Slip - Read on..
This guy is in line at the Super Market when he notices a hot blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. < ..

Occupation? - Read on..
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we beg ..

First day at college - Read on..
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the simple rules: "The female dormitory wil ..

Watch that paint - Read on..
These two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get ev ..

Who are they mummy - Read on..
A woman and her son were taking a cab around New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the enclave ..

Whats for dinner - Read on..
One day a old man visits a surgery, and asks the doctor if there was any way he could find out if his wife was hard of hearing... ..

Tongue Twister - Read on..
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him ..

Shop Lifter - Read on..
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" She rep ..

Working Late - Read on..
A boy asks his mother, "Do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time?'" His mother answers, "No, dear. Once in a while they beg ..

Sex on the Lawn - Read on..
A man was walking down a street one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighbourhood. Suddenly he real ..

A Nurse, Teacher and Stewardess - Read on..
How can you tell if you're making love to either a teacher, a nurse or an airline stewardess? A teacher says ..

Dear Tech Support - Read on..
Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began ..

Secret Codes - Read on..
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs and do it? ..

Sandwich Shope - Read on..
A man is walking down the street and sees a sign that catches his eye: "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Handjob: $10. ..

Always On Time - Read on..
A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to New York. The son (who w ..

Little Johnny - Read on..
One day at school Susan asked Johnny if he knew what a penis was. Johnny replied no but that he would find out and return tomorrow with ..

Dr. Phil Consults - Read on..
Dr. Phil was conducting a therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he obs ..

HITTING BOTTOM - Read on..
TWO MEN SITTING BESIDE ONE ANOTHER IN A BAR.THE 1ST MAN IS AN AVERAGE SIZE GUY WEIGHINGABOUT 170 LBS.THE 2ND MAN IS A HUGE FAT GUY WEIG ..

The sneeze - Read on..
A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane.The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes ..

The Cruise - Read on..
A guy went to a travel agent and tried to book a two week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. The travel agent said that all the shi ..

Three Brothers - Read on..
There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and th ..

The Costume Party - Read on..
A man and his wife were supposed to go to a costume party together one Halloween, but when the time came to go the party, the woman tol ..

Escaped Prisoner - Read on..
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money ..

The Coincidence - Read on..
A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a women patron.He turned to her and said, "This is a special day ..

The Medical Convention - Read on..
At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. ..

Condom - Read on..
Two older women are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. The first lady takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it b ..

Chinese Proverbs - Read on..
Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.Man who run in front of car get tired.Man who run behind car get ex ..

3 Viagra Pills - Read on..
A guy goes to his doctor and says,"Doc, I have a problem.""My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sle ..

The Crystal Glass Bowl - Read on..
Sister Mary Holycard was in her 60s, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.One afternoon early in the spring a young p ..

Call In Sick... - Read on..
Bob calls in to his job:"Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my ..

Realistically and Hypothetically.... - Read on..
A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and reali ..

How To Satisfy... - Read on..
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMANCaress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, humor, ..

10 Catholic Priests - Read on..
One day there were 10 would-be Catholic priests, going through the tests that would make them ministers. The final test required them t ..

Valentines Day Gift - Read on..
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day.As they had not been dating very long, it was a very ..

Doggie Fashion - Read on..
It has been studied and determined that the most often usedSexual position for married couples is the doggie position.The husband sits ..

Marketing that Makes Sense - Read on..
Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense....You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fan ..

It Is Dark In Here - Read on..
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.One day the woman hear ..

Two Nuns - Read on..
There were two nuns...One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).It is getti ..

Getting Down Under - Read on..
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually. After se ..

Do not ask any questions - Read on..
A guy worked in an adult book store. One afternoon his friend walked in. The guy said, "Dude,thank goodness you showed up!" & ..

The Priest - Read on..
Q: Why did the Priest go to Walmart?A: He wanted to get boys pants "half" off! ..

Sex Education - Read on..
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.He ..

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin? - Read on..
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be ge ..

TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX - Read on..
10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. ..

beer and a box - Read on..
A drunk walked into a tavern, sat down at the bar. He placed a small cardboard box on the bar, and ordered a beer. When the beer came, ..

high tech - Read on..
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers like there's a telephone in his hand, then puts his palm up agains ..

me drunk? - Read on..
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk ..

drunk guy and the nun - Read on..
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home ..

Flush - Read on..
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the ba ..

Two Irish Men in A bar - Read on..
There were Two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation ..

Who is Drunk????? - Read on..
The Five Stages Of DrunkenessStage 1 - CLEVERThis is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You kno ..

Daylight savings time - Read on..
Daylight Spending TimeWhen I was in junior high school my mother played agood trick on my father. She was always an earlyriser (as in 5 ..

Toilet - Read on..
Toilet TrickHey, this party was on April Fool's Day, so anything goes, right? Anyway, at the party there were two bathrooms. I wen ..

i got a referal - Read on..
I never do anything that i would get a referl in school for. So one day in 8th grade i asked one of my teachers to write me up. And he ..

The Bunny and the Snake - Read on..
Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were b ..

CHICKEN - Read on..
Q:Why didn't the chicken cross the road?A: because he was a "chicken". ..

The three legged chicken - Read on..
A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 miles per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged chicken running at the same spee ..

Chucky goes to the movies - Read on..
An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"The old farmer sa ..

2 jokes - Read on..
What do u get if u cross bambi wit a ghost?BAMBOOWhat is a duck's favourite TV show?THE FEATHER FORECASTGET IT? hahaha ..

King of the Jungle - Read on..
Three animals were having a hugeargument over who was the best.The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could ..

elephant sex - Read on..
Did you know that elephants actually have their sexual organs in their feet?Yup, if one steps on you, you're screwed. ..

Moles - Read on..
A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole lived in a hole outside of a farmhouse in the country.One day, the papa mole poked his head out ..

Legion Camel #3 - Read on..
A new lieutenent in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him is quarters, he asks the ..

Legion Camel #2 - Read on..
A new lieutenent in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him quarters, he asks the cor ..

Legion Camel #1 - Read on..
A woman reporter is driving a jeep in the desert. She sees a Captain in the French Foreign Legion pulling and tugging on a camel, but t ..

Grape and Elephant - Read on..
Q: What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?A: None. It just lets out a little wine. ..

Got Any Grapes? - Read on..
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't s ..

Seeing Eye Dog - Read on..
A blind man was out walking with his seeing eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind ..

Racoon Joke - Read on..
Why did the raccoon cross the road? He didn't, he got hit by a car. ..

There are no dogs allowed here - Read on..
A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog ..

A blind man in a store - Read on..
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his hea ..

I willll have a Penguin. - Read on..
Q: Why do penguins live in the Arctic? A: Because they can't fly to Florida like the rest of the old birds. ..

Elephants and Cell-Phones - Read on..
Q: Why don't elephants use cellular phones? A: So the rest of the world won't know their plans. ..

Do Elephants Ever Forget? - Read on..
Q: Does an elephant ever forget? A: Only if you loan him money. ..

bear and a rabbit - Read on..
A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each ..

rabbits chased by wolf - Read on..
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit tu ..

Difference between a cat and a dog... - Read on..
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. ..

Ant and Elephant have romance - Read on..
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says ..

Dog named Sex - Read on..
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very emb ..

Vampire Bat - Read on..
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pret ..

Spanking Daughter - Read on..
One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What' ..

Physiotherapist and the Golfer - Read on..
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball hea ..

The Hang Over - Read on..
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his Company's Annual Office Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drin ..