Bad Hair Day
Horse Before the Cart
Chauvinistic Golf Course
Funny Fat One LinersYou know you need to do something about your weight when you board an airplane and the flight attendant designates your belly as carry-on luggage. I knew I had a problem when I started having to wear control-top turtlenecks.
My doctor put me on a strict sugar-free diet. I can't even watch Touched By An Angel.
You know it's time to skip a round when you're holding your bowling ball, and you look down and you can't see it!
If God had wanted us to run, instead of a belly button, He'd have given us a fast-forward button.
I'm no couch potato. I'm a lazyboy potato.
My diet's working. I stepped on my talking bathroom scales last night and for the first time ever they didn't scream that I was too fat. They did mention in passing that my feet smelled.
I'm not fat. It's just that my body naturally retains beef burgers.
I have no idea how much I weigh because I can't weigh naked. Without my glasses I can't see the scale.
I've really put on weight. I've gone from pinch-an-inch to rub-a-tub.
I'm already two years ahead on my daily fat allowance. I'm looking for skinny people to see if I can borrow theirs.
Joke Added: September 15, 2005, 8:23 pm Joke Rating: 1.90 / 5
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