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Best Army Guidance

Warnings issued by the U.S. military to their own troops:
"Aim towards the enemy."
Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher.

"When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not your friend."
US Marine Corps.

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is extremely accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
USAF Ammo Troop.

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit."
Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
Infantry Journal.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
U.S. Air Force Manual.

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
Infantry Journal.

"Tracers work both ways."
US Army Ordnance.

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
Infantry Journal.

"Any ship can be a minesweeper, once."
Anon.

"Do not draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
Infantry Journal.

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep infront of him."
USAF Ammo Troop.

Joke Added: October 10, 2005, 12:11 pm    Joke Rating: 1.67 / 5

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